Loving inspiration and insights from Vivianne Nantel, yogini, mystic, visionary, speaker and author of  Becoming The Light, Realize Your True Enlightened Nature

Codependency versus interdependency in love relationship



Codependency versus interdependency in love relationship

When we talk about love, it is inevitable the subject of codependency and interdependency arise. This relatively new term, codependency, was coined a few decades ago. Since this topic is vast and I am not a professional psychologist, I will share only what seems pertinent for the sake of awareness.
The learned compulsive behavior called codependency is one of the gravest malaises of our century. Codependency makes it harder for people to unleash their true nature, causing great suffering and pain. It has surely been around forever, but we were unable to identify it.
When I was a young girl, I thought humankind failed to look inward for their spiritual power. I wondered why most progress was manifested outward in the world in such areas as spacecraft, computers and automobiles. I used to imagine how it would be to discover the power within, these ancient frontiers of exploration to other dimensions. I did not know how, but finding the pathway fascinated me.
Through research and observation, I discovered there are many definitions of codependency, but all of them come down to one thing…an addictive relationship that develops from learned behaviors and conditioned responses, causing the individual to hold dysfunctional boundaries. The idea of codependency was first used to explain responses from those who lived with an alcohol or drug abuser. However, over time this notion expanded to embrace all unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships. Today it includes anyone who has learned and acquired maladaptive behaviors to survive great emotional pain. These circumstances can arise from being subjected, within the family or social group, to drug dependency, chronic mental or physical illness, physical and emotional abuse, divorce, suicide, sexual abuse and rape, violence or toxic environment. It is the byproduct of the conditioned response to survive traumatic stress.
Codependency is also widely used to describe people with similar patterns in their romantic or other personal relationships. Today codependency describes a dysfunctional pattern of behaving, coping, surviving, and problem solving which develops when the family or society of origin has used rigid and unhealthy rules and actions to influence behavior.
According to the country’s oldest and largest nonprofit organization addressing aspects of mental health and mental illness, Mental Health America says, “Codependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Codependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.”
This emotional and behavioral condition can affect anyone, a parent, friend, sibling, lover, spouse, or child who has been emotionally or physically abused and neglected during childhood and adolescence. Codependency can be hard to detect, especially in oneself. Some relationships can stir codependency in an individual if one is not completely healed from the ghosts of the past.
Being codependent does not mean individuals don’t love one another. Contrarily, they may love each other deeply, but don’t know how to behave and interact in a healthy way. One or both of the individual may unconsciously sabotage the relationship so it becomes complex, draining, and painful as the participants watch it deteriorate before their eyes. Codependence leads you to deal in unhealthy ways with others, become too dependent at all levels, obsess and live through your significant others.
A person who suffers from codependency tends to become involved in toxic and painful relationships, enabling the individual to reenact their learned role and familiar dysfunctional behaviors in the new relationship. A codependent person may assume an overly passive or excessively care-taking manner, which also affects the relationship negatively. In many cases, codependency can lead to ending the relationship, to divorce, to severe depression and even suicide. It does not have to be that way. Both individuals can heal, grow, and blossom together.

I look very much forward to hearing your comments and sharing. Please share this post with all your friends on social media. This short article is part 1 of a series of two blogs. Next week I will post the second part focusing more on the spiritual aspect.

Sending you a garden of Divine love, grace and blessings, Vivi
All world wide copyrights reserved by Vivianne Nantel, 2016

Objectification of the female in our era

Perfect Lotus flower in Vietnam

Objectification of the female in our era

It is deplorable that over the centuries female has become viewed as an object of pride, possession, or sexual pleasure in many societies. Consciously or unconsciously it is a form of collective dysfunction of our era, a subtle form of exploitation and power over. This unconscious desire to possess, exploit and trap a female into a subservient and degrading role only became more encouraged over time as more women allowed themselves to be objectified in many cultures around our world.

As the media, advertising and social media industries grew bigger and became more influential, more and more females became objectified. This phenomena became so ingrained in the psyche of human beings, that it created a form of desensitization among us. In our era we can see clearly how young, innocent and immature females, even little girls make themselves victims of this absurd norm. Today we can witness how many young and even older women suffer from the grave consequences of this vicious trap……thinking they must do everything that is offered in the market place in order to become physically beautiful to be admired, desired or envied. This dangerous trap is a false sense of power, an illusion on the behalf of male as well as female. The physical, emotional, mental and spiritual stress, pressure and damage of trying to fit into the box of female objectification of our era is very destructive not only for female, but for male as well. Because of female objectification, many women suffer from rape attack, sexual harassment, lack of self-esteem, low or no self-worth, anxiety attacks and depression….even though such elusive concepts such as self-esteem and self-worth do not truly exist.
Unawakened individuals don’t realize that timeless beauty and bliss is our very essence, and that it can only burst from within. That bliss…. that ecstatic state of being alive and feeling absolutely and powerfully beautiful is innate. That is our true nature. Divine love is our ultimate nature, and that is pure joy. If only each individual could treat their body as a sacred temple and their heart as a shrine, we would witness a phenomenal transformation within themselves at all levels. Do you treat your own body as a sacred temple, a shrine…or as a graveyard?


All worldwide copyrights reserved by Vivianne Nantel, 2016

Raising Consciousness

Sweet roses in soft color style for background

“We cannot win with a whip, only with rose petals. Even if we lose in love, there is always victory. A victory won out of ego, out of selfishness, out of violence, out of greed, is a tremendous loss for that individual, humanity and future generations. Together let’s raise the consciousness and unite the world by One spirit, One heart and One breath.” Vivianne Nantel

From the Droplets of Wisdom blog at www.VivianneNantel.com

Demystifying The Feminine Energy Principle

OceanBlossom 2003 42x32 mixed media oil on canvas prints available                                 

  Ocean Blossom, mixed media on canvas by Vivianne Nantel                                        


             Demystifying The Feminine Energy Principle

Our precious blue green planet is in grave need of a renaissance of the feminine principle of energy worship. The great Cosmic Divine Mother is that feminine principle energy flowing from the ultimate reality. This Divine feminine energy has been suppressed and oppressed throughout the centuries by manifestations of many patriarchal religions and societies. For instance, history retells of the Dark Ages where thousands of women, high priestesses who were extremely evolved spiritually, who worshipped the Divine feminine aspect and had many extraordinary siddhis (spiritual powers and paranormal abilities ascribed to the Tantric adepts and masters) were burned alive in public places as witches. They were wrongly perceived and misunderstood as a major threat because of their spiritual powers. For over four thousand years the masculine mindset has been destroying, oppressing and exploiting Mother Earth, its animals, and many women and elders.

The feminine energy principle is characterized with many attributes such as nurturing, nourishing, compassionate, loving, giving, caring, healing, creative, intuitive, forbearing,  benevolent, and can also be very powerful and fierce in many positive ways. In general all these qualities have been lacking to some degree on our planet for thousands of years. During the Paleolithic and Neolithic times many tribes venerated the feminine principle energy manifested in the physical form as a goddess or deity. Over the centuries matriarchal societies (with a feminine principle mindset) flourished in peace, harmony and reverence for Mother Earth and all living creatures. Within the fields of archeology, anthropology and art history we can discover many examples where our ancestors worshipped and honored the goddess energy in many different cultures around our planet. I remember from my days when I studied art history how The Venus of Willendorf sculpture, dating back to 30-25,000 BC, and Goddess Laussel statue  struck a chord within me. These are perfect examples among so many others. What are the important insights to remember? This Divine feminine energy aspect of the creative source is accessible to all regardless of our gender, and is especially beneficial to males who have often suffered from the disconnection caused by patriarchal societies and/or homophobic views. Also there is an extremely urgent need to rebalance these two principles within the depth of our being.

I discovered this Divine feminine energy tends to be more associated with the female gender in general. Perhaps our nature is more receptive and open to it. The fact we women are giving birth to life could make us more open to it, though any gender can deeply connect with this feminine energy principle. We all have within our beings the masculine and the feminine energy aspects. It is a matter of mastering the perfect balance within. As I have spoken in earlier chapters Shakti is the primordial energy of the source of creation. In the yoga tradition Shakti is regarded as the Goddess Mother, especially prominent in Tantra Yoga when kundalini is awakening and arising. This dormant kundalini energy within is the most significant psycho-spiritual force of the subtle body. Our bodies are the mirrors of the play of the great cosmos, the macrocosmic. “Devi” is quintessentially the very core for every goddess energy in many religions and spiritual traditions with many different names.

Goddess worship is also an essential part of Hinduism as well as in Buddhism. In Tibetan Buddhism, Tārā is a tantric deity whose practice is widely used by practitioners of the Tibetan branch of Vajrayana. In the Middle Ages even the Catholic faith celebrated and worshiped the Virgin Mary. The Buddhists as well as the Taoists venerate Guan Yin (or Kwan Yin) as the bodhisattva of compassion. Even today in some Hispanic cultures such as Mexico we can witness the worshiping of the Virgin of Guadaloupe (Virgin Mary). I was delighted to witness that even today in some parts of Canada, France and perhaps some other parts of Europe many devout and spiritual people still glorify the Virgin Mary as the Divine Mother.

The merging of Shiva/Shakti, the masculine and feminine principles within us is the ultimate, harmonious and necessary union within our being to experience our full human and divine potential. Their union creates phenomenal forces allowing us to realize and experience divinity from within. When they merge as One within us, they are in perfect harmonic marriage. My former beloved master, Guruji, once said, the most precious gift we could offer him on his birthday was to realize how very beautiful we are. He said only then Divinity can dawn within us.

Besides reviving the feminine aspect of the source, there is also another extremely urgent need to collectively expand the consciousness on our planet by breaking down our limited perceptions and false views, especially the rigid egocentric and logical mindset which causes the illusion of separation. By dissolving it into a harmonious one beyond our dualistic mindset, together we can experience oneness. If we are going to survive as a species each one of us has to awake up, realize and experience we are all interconnected and interdependent by the same source, same truth, an ever expanding web of life.

In Divine love, grace and blessings, Vivi

All worldwide copyrights reserved by Vivianne Nantel, 2015


From the Droplets of Wisdom blog